The Idiocy of Harry Potter
by Feishien
Summary: A short fic. The Ministry of Magic is after Harry for no particular reason. Add Malfoy to the stupidity and you get...this!


This is a one part play. Pretty much nonsense. I was reading through my English textbook when I got the idea for this. So anyways...  
  
Oh wait! I forgot the disclaimer!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing. J.K Rowling owns it all. She owns our souls...mwahahahahaha...  
  
Now onto business:   
  
Harry: Hello (waves to people outside the monitor) I'm Harry Potter (points to himself) and I am on the run (runs on the spot) from the ministry of magic (holds up picture of Cornelius Fudge)  
  
Someone who is unseen: You're not talking to deaf people, Potter!  
  
Harry: Malfoy?  
  
Someone (possibly Malfoy): That is none of your concern. The fact is you're acting like an idiot in front of people that can hear you perfectly well. Just talk normally dammit.  
  
Harry: O...K  
  
Someone (who sounds an awful lot like Malfoy): STOP THAT!  
  
Harry: Fine. I'm Harry Potter and I'm on the run from the Ministry of Magic. Why? I hear you ask, well, I'm not sure. I think they're just doing it for kicks (looks worried)  
  
Someone (whom I will call Malfoy): Yes. For kicks. Hehehe.  
  
Harry: Shuddap! I know it's you, Malfoy!  
  
Malfoy: Tut tut. Oh look, a Ministry official is coming your way, Potter!  
  
Harry: Where?! (looks wildly around and ducks behind a large rubber duck) Hey, what's this doing here?!  
  
Malfoy: (strides out of thin air) Hahahahahahahaha You fell for it, Potter (sticks tongue out)  
  
Harry: How childish.  
  
Malfoy: Okay, I'll tell you what  
  
Harry: What?  
  
Malfoy: I'm telling you  
  
Pause  
  
Harry: What?  
  
Malfoy: Huh?  
  
Harry: What are you telling me?  
  
Malfoy: What am I telling you?  
  
Harry: You said 'tell you what'  
  
Malfoy: What?  
  
Harry: STOP CONFUSING ME!! (pouts)  
  
Malfoy: Flibbertigibbert (grins)  
  
Harry: (glares)  
  
Malfoy: Okay, okay. Tell you what  
  
pause  
  
Harry: Don't start this again  
  
Malfoy: Okay, okay, the answer to your problems lies  
  
pause  
  
Harry: Yeeeeeesss...???!!??   
  
Malfoy: What?  
  
Harry: Malfoy, complete this sentence: 'Harry's answer to all his problems lies in...'  
  
Malfoy: It lies in...that...  
  
Harry: WHAT!?!?! WHERE!?!?!  
  
Malfoy: ...that...place.  
  
Harry: What place?!?!  
  
Malfoy: the....dirnky drinky place! (giggles)  
  
Harry: excuse me?  
  
Malfoy: Where my mummy takes my to have a drinky winky  
  
Harry: and that would be...???  
  
Malfoy: to drink a hic Butterbeer! (falls on the floor)  
  
Harry: er...alrighty then. (steps over Malfoy and jumps on his broom) to the Three Broomsticks! Away!  
  
(broom doesn't move)  
  
Harry: (through clenched teeth) I said, AWAY!  
  
(broom springs to life and flies into a wall)  
  
Harry: Oh. Oh great. FINE! I'll walk then, shall I? Stupid broom. (walks out of the room)  
  
Malfoy: When you get to the road in front of Three Broomsticks, wait for me.  
  
Harry: why?  
  
Malfoy: They are still looking for you, ya know.  
  
Harry: oh yeah. shrugs okay then.  
  
After much walking, Harry arrives at the beginning of the road in front of Three Broomsticks. Sure enough, Minisrty Officials are scouting the place with torches (despite it being the middle of the morning) looking under rocks.  
  
Ministry Official: (looks under rock shining his torch) Here, Harry, Harry!  
  
Harry: (sighs) how thick can they get?  
  
Malfoy: Pst  
  
Harry: huh? You psting me?  
  
Malfoy: You Harry Potter?  
  
Harry: Duh  
  
Malfoy: Been waiting long?  
  
Harry: Maybe  
  
Malfoy: Who for?  
  
Harry: You, you idiot!  
  
Malfoy: Ohhhhh  
  
Harry: Now tell me how to get into the Three Broomsticks without being found.  
  
Malfoy: Now, you go down that road (points to road ahead)  
  
Harry: But it's filled with Ministry Officials!  
  
Malfoy: Ohhh. Take that road then (points in the opposite direction)  
  
Harry: It doesnt even lead to the Three Broomsticks!  
  
Malfoy: Oh, That's right. Don't take that road then.  
  
Harry: Any other ideas?  
  
Malfoy: Can you play 'Happy Birthday' on a second hand tuba?  
  
Harry: No  
  
Malfoy: Oh. I'm out of ideas.  
  
Harry: I'd better go then. And hide. Those Ministry Officials aren't going to look under those rocks forever. Sooner or later they're going to look up and find me here.  
  
Malfoy: I would't worry about that for a few good days.  
  
Pause  
  
Harry: Going now. (turns around)  
  
Malfoy: WAIT! The sewers!  
  
Harry: Sewers? shrugs Eh, ok then  
  
(both clamber down a manhole that appears out of nowhere)  
  
Malfoy: (proudly) I TOLD you this'd work. Now - I'm going to roll up my pants. (rolls up pants)  
  
Harry: Why?  
  
Malfoy: Because I have sexy legs!  
  
Harry: Ohhhhh!  
  
(Both wade through sewers for several hours)  
  
Harry: How do we get out of here?  
  
Malfoy: shrugs  
  
Harry: --'  
  
Malfoy: I know! We shall apparate outta here!  
  
Harry: But we're not of age!  
  
Malfoy: Don't be such a Hermione, Harry! Just think really hard and...whoosh! (giggles)  
  
Harry: Okaaaaaay then. thinks   
  
Malfoy: thinks  
  
pause  
  
Harry: erm, what do we think of...???  
  
Malfoy: We're supposed to think of...the place...that...uh...we're going to! Yeah, that.  
  
Harry: Okaaaaaaay. thinks  
  
Malfoy: thinks  
  
POP!  
  
Harry: It worked!  
  
Malfoy: Of course it worked. You should never doubt me!  
  
Harry: And LOOK! the answer to my problems!  
  
Malfoy:What?! A teddy bear?!?!  
  
Harry: (picks up bear) Awwww! My Foofie Nono!  
  
Malfoy: Your...ahem Foofie Nono?!?!  
  
Harry: (hugs bear tightly) You were right, Draco, now all my problems are solved because I've hugged a, hugged a, hugged a care bear!  
  
Malfoy: --' urgh  
  
)))The End(((  
  
Not much of an ending, but I was jsut writing this all spur of the moment. I had no idea how to end it, but I'm posting it anyway. :)  
  
Feishien 


End file.
